Ieri noaptea

Ieri noaptea imi taie calea un hot: „banii saua viata!”

-Sunt casatorit idiotule! Care bani, care viata?

Ne-am imbratisat si am plans impreuna… A fost emotionant!

This is…

This is the last time we try anal

Solo per geni!

Solo per geni!

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The same idea with different design

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-Voi stiti ca sunteti barbati

-Si voi stiti ca sunteti femei

Dar va place sa fiti mintite ca sa fiti futute

-Eu daca vad un barbat dragut nu neaparat ca l-as fute

-Si sa aveti o scuza: l-am crezut

Nu neaparat ca l-ai fute dar i-ai suge pula macar o data

-Pe bune?

Nu ma cunosti

-Bine

-Mie trebuie sa imi futi mintea ca sa ma futi

Si ca sa ti-o sug

-Bag pula in creierii tai atunci

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Unele dintre voi ar trebui sa fiti fericite ca exista barbati care f*t orice

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Stiti fetele alea dragute si inofensive cu chip de ingeras? Alea se fut in draci!

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Cand spui ca miroase a primavara, dupa ce te-ai basit

Si ii vezi pe toti cei din jurul tau cum trag adanc aer in pieptbasit

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You live here

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Ce ati patit la fata?

Taiam lemne si mi-a sarit un pumn in ochi…

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Cand esti sarac, dar ai talent la desen…

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Eu: Iubita, mi-e foame. Ce imi dai sa mananc?

Ea:

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Solo per geni!

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Vinul rosu, face bine la circulatie sau nu? Ca ma tot contrazic cu un politist.

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-Buna ziua, as dori un prezervativ!

-Doar unul?

-Da, incerc sa ma las!

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Teacher: „Johnny, can you tell me the name of 3 great kings who have brought happiness and peace into people’s lives”?

Little Johnny: Drin-king, smo-king, and fuc-king.

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-Am aflat ca ma inseli!

-Da, si??

-Ce are el si eu nu am?

-Vrei raspunsul in centimetri sau in euro?

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Probabil nimerise buzunarul

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-Cum recunosti sexul unui catelus?

– Ii dai o bucatica de sunculita pe la nasuc… si daca e bucuros e baietel, daca e bucuroasa e fetita.

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Vaaai!!! Il cere in casatorie!

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…Prezervative cu aroma de mustar pentru puli mici”

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Cred ca urmeaza o perioada fericita pentru cei care fac sex din an in Pasti

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Ma scuipa cineva in gura ca sa ma pot masturba? Asa ma excit eu

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daca un baiat te invita la film asta nu inseamna ca tu trebuie sa fi vaca sa mananci si floricele si suc si nachos si sa numi dai pizda dupa morti matii isabela ca mam ras si la pula degeaba

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Perie frecat gabriela

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La judecatorie:

-Acuzat, pentru ce ai spart de trei ori la rand, vitrinele aceluiasi magazin?

-Prima oara, am furat o rochie pentru sotia mea. A doua si a treia oara m-a trimis s-o schimb!

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Barbati indispensabili cu puf

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Laba usoara si confortabila, pentru initiere.

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Momentu ala cand toti te-ndeamna pe la manastiri sa pupi hoituri… dar tu preferi ceva viu!

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O femeie isi trezeste sotul la ora 2 dimineata, spunand:

-Repede sa-mi spui cine a castigat Liga Campionilor in 2015?

-Barcelona, raspunde sotul mormaind.

-Ce echipa e pe primul loc in Premier League?

-Manchester City.

-Cine a inscris cel mai mare numar de goluri la Campionatul Mondial?

-Klose

-Cate?

-16 goluri

-Cand a fost ultima data cand Liverpool a castigat titlul in Anglia?

-1990… dar ce se intampla, draga mea?

-Ieri a fost ziua mea de nastere, futu-ti mortii ma-tii!

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Stiinta medicala a avansat atat de spectaculos incat rar mai gasesti un om sanatos.

Aldous Huxley

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Wow, I think you went too far with the plastic surgery!

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Imi explica si mie cineva ce e cu vremea asta?

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Primavara in Romania

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1948/2018

Men: What the hell happened?

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Mai are cineva impresia car fi in permanenta urmarit?

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Noi barbatii suntem creaturi inocente intr-o lume…

…A femeilor perverse si violatoare!

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Sfanta Mia Khalifa, aducatoare de erectii si vindecatoarea impotentei.

Laic, ser, partikip si amin!

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Degeaba se lauda un barbat cu cate femei s-a culcat daca niciuna din ele nu-l lauda!

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Scientists have just announced today that dolphins are second to man in intelligence levels.

So that pushes women down to third place.

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Unde e de fapt primavara?

Doarme in metrou…

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E un frig afara de a inghetat pizda-n smecheri!

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Am cumparat niste catuse, ca sa facem sex.

Dar eu nu vreau sa fac sex cu tine!

Tocmai de asta le-am cumparat.

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Ultimul retus inainte de vopsitul oualor

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Salutam toti fostii, care ne-au pierdut ca prostii!!

Si fostii va saluta, care au vrut doar sa va futa!!

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Frizer: Cum sa va tund astazi?

Politist: Valuri sparte la mal, Navodari 1987.

Frizer: Say no more!

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Iubire iarta-ma ti-am incurcat pastilele

In loc sa iti dau antidiareice ti-am dat calmante

Cum te simti?

Ma simt bine iubire, m-am cacat pe mine da-s linistit…

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Mesaj important: Va reamintim ca aveti de achitat 967.90 RON catre Telekom. Efectuati plata astazi si confirmati la numarul 0310801133. Creditexpress

Clientul dumneavoastra a decedat in urma cu 6 luni. Va puteti lua gandul de la plata.

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Regina larga

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Daca esti Evreoaica te gazez…

Daca esti Crestina te creez…

Si daca esti goala te filmez…

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Maybe if i water it it will grow

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„Cum” is such an ugly word…

I prefer, „Creme de la penis”…XD

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„Uneori cutremurul te loveste cu stanga””

Florin Salam

Incasator profesionist

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Fame will come to you only after you succeed!

A blonde asked, „Who is Sid”?

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Dc morti mati plangi ca te aud din sufragerie

 

Salam: nu mai cant niciodata

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The longer you stay single the more they fuck your future wife. It hurts.

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Astia care va credeti Corleone, Tony Montana sau Pablo Escobar, aveti bani de cauciucuri de iarna?

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I don’t need no gucci or armani if you make my pussy a tsunami

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If you’re on the toilet at 11:59pm and it carries over to midnight literally the „same shit, different day”.

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Are you two girls from england?

Wales…

Are you two whales from England?

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Lapte gros sau relatie complicata?

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Angajez cupluri pentru productia de filme porno. Experienta nu este necesara intrucat va juca rolul sotului ce pleaca la munca. Rog seriozitate

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Doamne mare e puterea ta! Muiestene si pe noi, Dumnezeule dupa mare mila ta! Slava tie Dumnezeule, Slava tie

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Muierea

Regionalism: femeia care nu stie sa faca o muie calumea

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I-am dat usor chilotii intr-o parte…. Ca sa ii pot baga restul de sosete in masina de spalat.

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Atunci cand umbra te tradeaza…

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Orice barbat trecut de 30 de ani inzestrat cu o oarecare inteligenta manifesta in preajma unei femei prudenta cainelui care a mai luat bataie…

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Believe me, nothing is wrong in this picture, look twice

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Barbatul perfect este o combinatie dintre vibrator si bancomat!

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El: Esti cea mai proasta fata cu care am stat!!!

Ea: Pe care….

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Unzip

Extract files

I’m sorry daddy…

I’m sorry Daddy I’ve been a bad girl

Please, in public it’s „Forgive me father for I have sinned”

Crazy. Stupid. Love

Pe bune?

Parca esti prelucrat in Photoshop.

Just sayin’…

Just saying…

If you arguing loudly on your phone in public, please put it on speaker, I need to hear both sides of the story

I want to fuck you so bad!

„but i want to fuck you so bad” he says

„badly”, she whispered, leaning into his ear „Adverb” she walks away

ce este casatoria?

Ce este casatoria?
Casatoria este un cuvant elegant ce reprezinta adoptarea unui barbat adult care nu mai poate fi crescut de parintii lui.

 

 

Proverb rusesc

Proverb rusesc:
Rudele si prietenii nu ti-i alegi!

 

multumesc

 

Meaning of life…

What is the meaning of life?

-My dick. 😉
-You’re right. Life’s short :)))

 

La mijloc de codru des…

La mijloc de codru des

Nu e pic de wireless

Femeile…

Inainte de casatorie

Dupa 10 ani de casnicie

Nu am gasit morcov…

Nu am gasit morcov, dar am luat asta din sertarul mamei

Ioane, baga un vers…

Ioane, baga un vers daca vrei sa dai la Vera

Mihaita, s-o iei la muita!

Scula este cu…

Scula este cu aproximativ 50% mai mare la fumatori decat la nefumatori.

Salut!

Salut! Sunt Sorin si-am venit s-o fut pe Melania!

S-o ce?

Sorin!

Cand te trezesti…

Cand te trezesti noaptea sa te uiti pe telefon dar ai luminozitatea la maxim

Women are so wonderful…

Women are so wonderful they can forgive you, even if you are innocent

Boobs

Boobs

Enticing men to do stupid shit since the beginning of time.

Ferrero Rocher

Ferrero Rocher

Smh this nigga..

Smh this nigga ain’t even off flight arrest yet n he’s already acting wild.

When your parents…

When your parents ask where all the tissues went

Revelion la Vaslui

Revelion la Vaslui

Me trying to flirt

Hey

Hey how are you?

Good, how are you doing?

Good thanks and you?

Good and you?

Good thanks

When you see…

When you see that booty jiggle when she’s walking in her leggings

 

 

O femeie petrece..

O femeie petrece in medie 5 ani din viata in baie

Un barbat petrece 3 ani la usa baii intreband femeia : „mai ai?”

Legend say…

Legend say it still has a full battery

femeile sunt topite…

femeile sunt topite dupa barbatii care stie sa se conpoarte